Its not me...its you!

Today I feel defeated.

After months of thinking something is wrong with me, we got his SA back and it isn't me at all. It was so bad that they didn't even preform the test.

When I talked to the nurse at my office she said before they start the test they look at the semen under the microscope. When they looked they only saw 2-3 sperm. My understanding is that in the slide there should have been thousands.

Next step is a repeat. This he will abstain for 5 days instead of 3. If the test still looks bad its off to the urologist.

I am off to cry like a baby. I held it together at work. Now its time to let go.

2 Post in One Week...Say Whaaa??????

So I went to see Dr. Max today and I don't know if I got good news or bad news to tell you the truth. As far as my charts go, I have textbook ovulation. However, he is very concerned with the amount of scar tissue that he believes I have let from all of the abdominal surgery. So today I had a vampires breakfast amount of blood dawn and set up some additional test. If all the blood work turns out normal and M's SA is normal, I will have a laparoscopy done on April 24th to check for and remove said scar tissue.

My scar tissue tends to form in bands. There is an obvious band on my left side near where my ovary would be. It can be felt from the outside, but it is impossible to tell what it is actually hooked to without doing the laparoscopy. Good news is that I will not have a new scar. Dr. M assured me he would use one of the 50 already on my abdomen. SCORE!

Now for the funny...

I was really nervous about telling M that he would have to have a SA. I don't know why, but I was. And I was avoiding that conversation like the plague. Well in order to get it set up I had to get a chart made for him because he was not in the system at the hospital I use. I mean he was born there but it was 32 years ago....why would they not have a record??? Oh I know there are these new things called computers now, they must not have converted the things in Morse code to the computer system. Shame, Shame!

Anyway, I had to call him at work to get his social the convo went a little something like this...

Me: What is your social???
M: Why??
Me: I have to get a chart made for you. You have to have a test.
M: A test? What kind of test?
Me: Well I don't know if it is really appropriate to tell you over a monitored work line....
M: Just tell me......wait, that kind of test?
Me: Yeah.
M: Why do I have to do that?
Me: You know why.....
M: Well how much is that going to cost?
Me: Does it matter? I mean I am sure it will be $75-200.
M: Oh okay, well if you want it done you have to help me.
Me: As you wish dear.

He still doesn't know that he has to abstain for at least 3 days. HA! I wasn't dropping that one on him at work.

So I guess things are looking up. At least we have a plan. Holla!!!!

Must. Blog. More.

I know not many follow me and I apologize to those that do. But here is a little bit of where I am in life.

This month has not been fun and we are only in day 4. Granted I am including the last week of February but still. GIVE ME A BREAK.

(1) We have officially reached month 12 of TTC. Seriously, who would have ever imagined. I have my obligatory one year appointment tomorrow. I don't know how far we will go to make this happen.

The good news is that I called the insurance company and I do have coverage for all of my IF testing. No coverage for medications or procedures, but I will take what I can get.

At this point I am super frustrated and feel like it may never happen. But I guess what will be will be.

(2) We decided to look into putting the house on the market. While the house seems to be getting great reception (as it should after all the work we have put into it), it appears we are upside down in our loan because of all the foreclosures in the area.

There are positives and negatives with the housing market being on the outs. Though we will most likely not get out of our home what we have put into it, we will get a lot more for our money when we get a new house.

Again, with everything in life nothing is ever black and white it is usually a shade of gray.


(3) My yearly merit increase was a JOKE! I seriously busted my ass for this company last year for nothing. I told my boss point blank that he might as well have just punched me in the face. I also told his boss that (whom I am very close with). I have made it very clear that I wish to be moved outside of the department I am in so that my strengths can be used accordingly. I am in a very unhappy place right now with my career.

I really need to get off my ass and finish my degree. I keep making excuses. Pregnancy being on the top of that list. But obviously, I should not be using that excuse.

I have been repeating this to myself for the last week:

I will just keep pushing along, after all what else can I do?