2014 New Year , New Me!

A lot has changed in the last month and as usual I am late to the game letting my blog friends know about them.

When I posted last I was in a very bad place, I was angry and frustrated and about to throw in the towel. Well after a major breakdown and heart to heart with M we have decided to move forward with treatment. I'm not sure exactly what that means but it’s a step in the right direction.

For the first time since this process started I finally feel like we are in the same book. Not necessarily the same page but possibly the same chapter. I think if he were more educated in the ins and outs of infertility it could be even better. But he hasn't spent the last two years obsessing over this like I have.

In 2014 I have goal, that goal is to be more true to my feelings and stop sheltering everyone else. I am going to be open about our struggles and that has already required me to put a couple people "in their place".

I will not put myself in situations where I feel uncomfortable. I have been true to this already and we are only 8 days in GO ME!!!!!

On Saturday there was a baby shower for M's cousin. His mother and sister gave me a hard time about not going. I was very blunt with them and told them that I know I would be sad and it wouldn't do anyone any good to have me around. I explained that it didn't mean I don't love her or her baby but the last two years have been incredibly hard and going to a shower only makes me mourn what I don't have. I bought a nice gift and sent it with them.

2014 will be a good year. Sure I may not get pregnant but as long as we are moving at a steady pace and he is willing to take the steps needed I will be greatful. Our first RE appointment is March 3, 2014. I hope we can make a plan or start moving toward a plan.

This is an exciting yet humbling point to be at. It means we can't do it on our own but that we are willing to take steps together to make us happy.

Oh and one more development. We have started looking at rings. I will be engaged by April if all goes as planned. We won't be getting married anytime in the near future .... Maybe since we do things in 7's we will have a Fall 2021 wedding.