I have to wear what??????

So this is where we are at. I know this is like a song playing on repeat over and over but we NEVER thought we would be here.




On March 27th we went to the urologist. We had a nice long discussion about M’s count and other sperm quality factors. I pointed out that I did not see where white blood cell count or PH had been tested and how I had read that these could be important factors. The urologist agreed and we will be doing a repeat at the end of April.



I stepped out of the room while he did the physical exam. Lets be honest, I knew what was about to happen and I was not going to witness or be blamed for any of that.

The urologist told him he needed to switch from boxer briefs to plain ole boxers….He works out daily and is not enjoying the “freedom” that regular boxers are giving his special parts. The Dr. was also concerned that he wears jeans everyday to work and sits all day (for the last 15 yrs). He felt like heat was playing a major part in all of this mess because there were no obvious “defects”. He was given strict orders to keep those (literally speaking) babies cool. This means no sauna action at the gym, of course I have been preaching about this for a while but of course I was wrong (silly me and all my research).





That’s how the urology visit went but here is where I really am.



I feel defeated.



I feel like I have no control over anything anymore.



I can’t think about the diagnosis without crying.



I feel like I need to just come to the realization that it may not happen. I need to somehow be okay with this fact.



At this point we will not do IUI or IVF. It is just not an option for us. Maybe in a couple years, but not now.



My plans this month (#14) are to take it kind of easy. I have some OPKs left from my last shipment and I intend to use those. I am not temping. TTC already consumes my mind for much more time than it should. I am not going to temp so I can obsess over my chart only for my perfect cycles to mean nothing.



I am about as clockwork as you can get. I start on the 26-27th day around 3-5pm. I know when I ovulate by now. If I have an off cycle, it is what it is. But it hasn’t happened in the last 14 months.

There will be a whole lot of praying going on around here. M told his parents last Sunday. They are our cheerleaders and always have been. Here is hoping that our prayer warriors come through!